I know I didnt write not that I didnt want to I cudnt he said he wud come back if anything happens but i shud knew better that he was similar to V.... he said tomorrow and never came same thing but as i promised new month is closer and im fighting with change i tried my best i failed yes yesterday we had class whole night i cudnt believe who sat next to me it wasM... the only one who went in spain with his girlfriend so he started what im doing hire in class just something new i said same hire you know he siad B... left me she married someone else she is pregnat i cudnt believe him they were 5 years together as i know i was suprised with his story and he siad you changed from last time we saw each other i remember him his gf me in street of spain laugh shopping postcards etc...
he was like you just changed you did from outside and i had to say no boy you didnt you live in same place right and i said you okay A... see yaa next time that was all of him but still i was suprisede they looked like nothing cnat break their relationship this is nothing i have something more agin from yesterday i got new like in picture den friend reguest and well that boy had many friends in friend list wich i knew so i accpeted until i realized later with hello whatss up ....so yes we talked he was like i want classes of spanish i wil pay them i have aunt in germany you are young you will probably go there me in germany that wont happen i had to tell him that im traveling far away and he siad its okay wherever you go i will go to you are cute like candy .... is there some way to meet girl like you and i was like inside my minsd cmon ask me am i sningle to say no and finish this but he never did or people just dont read when u put ur not single in status or something like that
I mean yes i wanted something to happpen in this life of mine but this is not that people cant move one after one month from someone they loved just like that i didnt and i think i will never but that doesnt mean we cant find friends right but people whom i want to be my firends and when they are nice friendship is not what they are looking in me and that sucks cuz im trying so hard to find someone with whom i can share all whats inisde this soul but they are not searching friend and where to find one im just little more slow in all i guess that because of this disease and well much happend to me and all that its not for writing but people are coming and coming to fast i guess he is not ready my heart is not ready for moving on from one place and leting others in not this year or next one he is still not for now and thats okay i know its hard but one day when he realize he never came i hope it will be gone today its not possible
so yes im okay and im really good with listening helping everyone around me and im happy im happpy cuz when night come when she is long i change it cuz im bz doing other things im learning new langague im watching movies im trying to think what to wear next time im out and night cant kill me in that way she is not eating my soul i dont have tears not loud screams
i survived before new month and i will keep doing this like i have amnesia whole day im just not going in gallery to see pictures or something what can remind me that there were promise today is beautiful today i finally can say no im not sad but im not happy im somewhere in betwen doing best and trying because i often forget more den i remember feeling is im not sure its 22 march and its been huh but i also know there will be nights to break me so that i cant get up i also know that there will come better days like today
so days like days there will be dark days good days but right i dont need to beg people to love me i love myself and i repsect myself thats enough for today i gona go and screamm worldd love you